Not Because I Don’t Care, But It Because I Believe

29 December 2012 § Leave a comment

Well, it’s gonna be hard for me to write in English, but let me try to make you understand what i want to say.


Here is the things. One night, i woke up in the middle of  my dream. I didn’t knew what happens to me. But i really felt afraid. I tried to close my eyes again. I failed. I can’t slept. So, i walked to downstair and turn on the light in my ‘saturday room’. Did i felt really scared? My answer would be yes. I’m a cowards! Seriouslly! Almost everyday i felt scared for nothing. That’s why i really envy to the people whom never scared. Ah, maybe not never, but rarely. Then, what i’m doing in that rooms? Of course, i can’t sleep right? I choice to prayed! I started to pray for myself, then my family, and my friends. After that, something came into my mind. It’s called a dream. Why i can dream when i’m not sleep? It because my hearts can’t stop beating for something that i really really wants to do. I’m a curious person.


So, in the morning, i took a bath, and prepared for work. I’m telling you, that day was really tired for me. Because i’m not slept! However, this is a silly worlds right? I will not said that God told me something for that days. But i will said, that i realize something big for my life. What is that? The things that i really know it must happens in my life before i die. That’s i called a dream. For a few months, after that day, i thinking very hard about my future. Am i scared? i bet you, the answer is yes. But how i can handle it? Simple. I make a war with myself. I’m a hardworking person. And i know, maybe i don’t need to be win. But i need to rise and smile again.Rise again and smile again.  My weapons is my believe. Did i believe to myself? Yes, i believe.


A new day came along to me. Until today, 365th days. I never count the day in the years. But i always count, did i got something for every year came to me? Did i already make something? Did i grew up? Well, this is the hardest part in my life. In about me. Why? Because i’m a nerd. Well, that’s my unique things. I like to think about something that i’m not good it. Then, i will shout to myself and told to my heart ” you can do it! yes, you can!” for many times until i felt calm and smile again. Sometimes, i cried a lot for nothing. Then, i realize, how stupid i am? Then, i realize again, i’m not that stupid. What happens to me? It just the hard time that i must walk in that way. After that, i felt how brave i am. Because i will do something new, something crazy, something really hilarious. Something that make me happy.


Time flies so fast right?Well, now i be a friends with my scary things and my worries thing. Why? Because i want to know more about them. Then, i will make a power for myself. I’m that bad. No one persons in this world that really bad. Because that’s only two types person in this worlds. The one who can stand up and the one who just pick a easy way. Where am i? I hope i can be the one who can stand up! why? Because everytime i fall, i can rise again. Everytime i cried, i can smile again. Everytime i want kill myself, i can alive again! Everytime i close my eyes, i can open it again. Everytime i shout, i can be silence again. Everytime i felt stupid, i can felt hungry again. Everytime i do silly things, i can do a right things. Maybe this is the part of my dreams.


I want be a better person. Because i believe, then i will care about everything.


It’s sucks when you can’t be care about everything in your side.


But it always feel right, when you love it!


And never give up.


Until the time is really over.



That’s who i am. I’m the recipe. Someday i will be a cake. Maybe i can make a recipe from the cakes that i made.



Happy 3 days before 2013! 🙂



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