I’m in 17 Years Old is same with I’m in the future? No, I Don’t Expect That!

19 December 2013 § Leave a comment

Where am i eight years ago? If i can flashback to that time, or maybe if i have a time machine to get back to my past, probably, i will see myself with the big dream and heavy and confusing and silly. There are to many “and” words right? That’s because i’m not really sure what i would see that time.

But I remembered one thing about me when I was 17 years old. I want to be a successful writer. That time, I spoke to my friend that in the 5 years, my book will be sold in this store. And now, 5 years was over. Did I have a book in the book store? Yes, I did but the book was written by some writers. At least, I did it right? But, I never enough for me.
I still feel I’ve failed. Why? Because I’m a silly writer. I wrote some articles and stories but I don’t have a confidence to let people read it. Every time I write something, I just need to write it. I don’t have any an idea what I wrote that time. I just want to write! So, what i get? The very very bad literature.

Ah, now i remembered other things when i was 17 years old. I want to get a job which it i can learn how to write good and i have a time to write. Everything is about a writing. Why?  I love a word. I love to read. I love to make my mind working to think about an amazing word. I love to be a creative. That time i knew that someday i would love my job very much. That time i knew that i really like to see an art. And i hope i can be the one of them.

Become a writer and got a job in the creative industry are my biggest dream. So, here i am. I’m in the future. This morning, when i went to the office by bus, i tried to close my eyes but i can’t. You know why? That’s because i’m thinking about something. I realized about myself a long time ago. What i want and what i’m curious about.

And i’m already in the path of my dreams. But the question now, i didn’t feel this was enough. I want to something bigger. Really big. Maybe, i don’t want to stop dreaming. I still need to do something with my journey. But what? I keep asking myself with this question.

Then, I realize another thing. This is about how i can prove myself that i’m good enough in this profession. And what i keep doing? Maybe, i just keep talking to myself and stop trying. Oh, i hate it if that was true. But, maybe 50/50. I know what i’m doing now. That’s why i wrote this.

I have a problem with my english. Everytime i try to write in english, i feel stuck. I don’t have enough vocabulary to write. So, i just write with the familiar words.  What am i doing with this problem? Now, i try to make a habit. Write in english everyday. Start with writing about my journey. Then, i start to make a review about the movies that i watched, the book that i read and the song that i heard.

When i was in junior high school, i started to write in the Friendster blog. I still remembered, that time i want to be an expert. So, i write everything i feel in English. And now, i started again. It is never too late right? Not only like that, i try to interact with foreign people and speak in English, i try to watch hollywood movie with english subtitle, and i try to listen an english music.

How the progress now? I feel more better. At least, now i can understand what i wrote.

Maybe my progress quite slowly but i know the reason why. That is because i’m so lazy. I hate it to be lazy. Otherwise, i really like to wake up in the morning and come early to the office. So, i got the other clue. That is because i’m so afraid.

Yesterday, when i watch an interviewed Brandon Stanton from Humans of New York, he said something that make me think. What he talking about was simple. He said, “ ..just work. Don’t wait… if you wait to get till it’s perfect in your head before your get off the couch and start working on it, that’s never gonna happen.”

So, this is not my resolution, this is my task. My homework that i must working on it.

  1. Fight my laziness. Write the journey is fun. Write the story is more fun. So, stop being lazy. Don’t wait and try now!
  2. Do something creative. Be confidence with what you have. Be thankful with what you got.
  3. Don’t be afraid to get revise and don’t be afraid to make a mistake. Try harder to learn from your mistake.
  4. Don’t stop to learn what you don’t know and don’t stop to ask what you want to know.
  5. Keep telling to yourself, “i will get my another step everyday.”
  6. Challenge myself to write every thing, any thing that really interest for me and the others on my blog.
  7. Don’t stop to write and re-write.
  8. And so on..so on…

There are many things that i should do. But, if i never do my first task, then i can’t do the others task, right?

So, here i am. I will prove to you and to myself that YES I CAN BE A DIFFERENT PERSON. I’m not 17th years little girl anymore, I’m a woman who will grow up and learn more about life.

Happy Thursday!

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